Ep1: Pilot
Joan Watson: How do you do it?
Sherlock Holmes: Do what?
Joan Watson: Guess things?
Sherlock Holmes: I don't guess, I observe, and once I've observed, I deduce.
Joan Watson: How did you know he had an affair?
Sherlock Holmes: Google. Well, not everything is deducable.
Joan Watson: I don't hate my job.
Sherlock Holmes: You have two alarm clocks, no one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks means it's a chore for you to get up in the morning.
Ep2: While you were sleeping
Joan Watson (handing the violin to Sherlock): Well I just thought it might be a nice addition to your post-rehab regimen. Playing an instrument can relieve a lot of stress.
Sherlock Holmes (after setting fire to his violin): You were right about the stress relief. I felt like Jimmi Hendrix for a second there.
Sherlock Holmes (to Watson): Ty. Funny name, that. Noun, verb, nationality.
Sherlock Holmes (to Watson): Well I haven’t made my point unless you’ve absorbed it! Friendship is not a requirement of cohabitation. I’ll keep my secrets, you keep yours!
Joan Watson: Do you close yourself off to people and deny yourself things that might bring you pleasure, not because it makes you a better investigator, but because it’s some sort of penance?
Sherlock Holmes: Penance?
Joan Watson: For what happened in London; being addicted. I don't know. I guess it just occurred to me that it might be something someone might do and not even know it.
Sherlock Holmes: Well you always know it, Watson. If you didn’t, it wouldn’t be penance.
Ep3: Child Predator
Joan Watson: I thought that we both agreed that a little exercise would be a good addition to your sobriety.
Sherlock Holmes: For future reference, when I say that I agree with you it means I'm not listening.
Joan Watson: Do you know what else is great? Jazzercise. Get you some leg warmers, headband, you'll look awesome.
Sherlock Holmes: I agree with you.
Sherlock Holmes: You mustn't be so sensitive, Watson. The service you're providing is quite valuable. For a brief stretch in London I talked only to a phrenology bust I kept in my study. I named him Angus. It wasn't the same. I realized that when it came to listeners I preferred animates to inanimate. Quite a breakthrough, really.
Joan Watson: Angus. I'm glad I made it to the "animate" category.
Joan Watson: Your abbreviations are becoming borderline indecipherable. I don't know why, because you are obviously capable of being articulate.
Sherlock Holmes: Language is evolving, Watson, becoming a more efficient version of itself. I love text shorthand; it allows you to convey content and tone without losing velocity.
Ep4: The Rat Race
Sherlock Holmes: Your deductive skills are not unworthy of further development.
Joan Watson: I think that was a compliment, buried in a double negative, so thanks..
Sherlock Holmes: It has its costs.
Joan Watson: What does?
Sherlock Holmes: Learning to see the puzzle in everything. They're everywhere. Once you start looking, it's impossible to stop. It just so happens that people, with all the deceits and illusions that inform everything they do, tend to be the most facinating puzzles of all. Of course, they don't always appreciate being seen as such.
Joan Watson: Seems like a lonely way to live.
Sherlock Holmes: As I said. Has its costs.
Ep5: Lesser Evils
Joan Watson: Any luck?
Sherlock Holmes: Luck is an offensive, abhorrent concept. The idea that there is a force in the universe tilting events in your favor or against it is ridiculous. Idiots rely on luck.
Joan Watson: So that'd be a no.
Joan Watson: I was thinking sushi tonight.
Sherlock Holmes: Salmonella, vibrio parahaemolyticus, mercury poisoning, Anasakis simplex: all illnesses contractible from eating raw fish. Anasakis, of particular note, is a worm that can burrow into the wall of the lower intestine, often requiring surgery to remove it. But yeah, sushi's good.
Ep6: Flight Risk
Sherlock Holmes: I'm about to disabuse you of several notions, so please, listen very carefully. One, my father does not care about me; he does what he does out of a sense of familial obligations, big difference. Two, he does not care about you or what you think; meeting you would be a formality. And three, as I've already told you, your concern is unwarranted because he has absolutely no intention of showing up tonight.
Sherlock Holmes: Because he is a serial absentee; a pathological maker and breaker of promises. Been that way since I was a boy. Fool me one, shame on you, fool me ad nauseam...
Joan Watson: Can I ask you a question?
Sherlock Holmes: Can I stop you?
Joan Watson: Last chance to join us for dinner.
Sherlock Holmes: Last chance to accept there is no dinner. Dad never shows, say it with me, Watson, maybe it'll sink in. ... He's Lucy with the football, you're Charlie Brown.
Ep7: One way to get off
Edison (gardener of the rehab centre, Hemdale): He used to tell me I was the only person in this place without an agenda. I took that to mean he liked me.
Ep8: You do it yourself
Detective Bell: Yeah, tell me something I don't know.
Sherlock Holmes: A pig's orgasm lasts up to 30 minutes.
Ep10: The Leviathan
Micah Erlich: If you know our work, you know that we introduced a new flagship product in 2009, "The Leviathan."
Holmes: Yes, the safe that you marketed as "impregnable." Did you people learn nothing from the Titanic?
